Artemis Fowls Bum Gets Pinched
by Artemis Fowl's Girl
Summary: If you like stupid random storys then look no further
1. Chapter 1

Artemis Fowls Bum Gets Pinched

Chapter 1: The Crazy Little Elf

In a galaxy far, far, far, far, far, away (Ok maybe not that far away) lived a young prodigy named Artemis Fowl the Second, who was working on yet another evil plot (big surprise). He was near completion when he notest a small figure over by the window. If he had been using his brain that day he would have had gone _screaming _out of the room right then and there, but _nooooo _he just had to go over and see who it was. It was none other than Captain Holly Short (don don dooon).

Artemis was about to say hello when she quickly darted behind him, shoved her hand down his pants (Ooo sexy), and pinched his bum very hard causing little Arty to make squeak noise. Then she leapt dramatically into the air and dived into his pants and started singing something stupid.

"Shove a gerbil up your ass though a tube, THOUGH A TUBE!"

Then she climbed back out of his pants and jumped onto Mr. Jangles the magical dancing pickle and yelled

"YEE shi-shaw shi-shi-shaw-shi-shi" and floated out of the window and into the sunset.

Artemis was left quite confused as to what the f-in hell was up with that.

**I wont write any more of this story if I don't get REVIEWS! Please and Thankyou :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thankyou **'the-girl-with-a-vampire's-smile' for the review and Now onward to Chapter 2

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Chapter 2: That Night

Artemis Fowl was a little shaken about Holly pinching his bum and dissuaded to go to bed a few minuets earlier. He striped down (Ohhh yaaaa) and put on a pair of his favorite PJ's, the ones with BATMAN on them, complete with cape and a cute little belt, and climbed into bed. He was about to go to sleep when he notest something moving beneath the sheets '_Oh my GOD it's the BOGIEMAN!'_ he though franticly to himself. He quickly through back the sheets and saw Holly?

"HOLLY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!" he screamed at her.

"Want some cheese?"

"Ah….What?"

Holly cleared her throat and began to sing "blue cheese everybody wants BLUE CHEEZE!" and reached into her magical bag of…..stuff pulled out a giant wheel of cheese and smushed it into his face. Then slowly reach out a hand and…..

"Holly what are you….no wait NOOOO" she shoved her hand down his cute batman pj pants and (I Know what your thinking) pinched his bum!(don don dooon).

" HELP for the love of god someone HEEELLPP!" he cried.

Then as if on Q Butler came exploding through the doors with a machine gun in his hands and randomly started shooting all over the place completely destroying Artemis room in the process and yelled

"Will you two SHUTUP! some people are trying to sleep here!" and slammed what ever was left of the door behind him.

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**Im running out of ideas any sugestions? REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

Author: Hey people did ya miss me :)

Artemis: Ah… No, and why does my poor butt get pinched each chapter?

Author: Because your just sooo cute (reaches out and pinches Arty's bum)

Artemis: STOP PINCHING ME!

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Chapter 3: Ravioli

Next Day

Artemis Fowl was really stressed out because for some odd reason the repair people installed a GIANT toilet right in the middle of his bedroom and left before he had a chance to ask if they had been raised by morons.

He thought a nice _steamy _hot shower would help him relax (Ooo steamy). As he was walking to the bathroom he couldn't help but wonder what had become of that insane little fairy. He opened the door and saw Holly washing her hands in the sink and had the biggest grin on her face as she said in a creepy voice

"I Like Ravioli"

Artemis slowly glanced over at the toilet and nearly had a heart attack because right there centered perfectly in the middle of toilet was the BIGGEST, HONKING PIECE of SHIT he had ever seen in his entire LIFE.

" HOLY MOTHER-FUC( Lets just say he wasn't very pleased with Holly).

Artemis ran out bathroom screaming like a little school girl. Then a banana came dramatically flying through a near by window and bitch slapped him in the face

"Them dam Mexican Bananas" he said then went unconscious.

Artemis woke up 2 hours later on the roof.

"Yo dis is beef. I'm going to go play with my Spongebob soap know"

He used his magical prodigy powers to float back in through the window, but we he went back to the bathroom his foamy Spongebob soap was all gone.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO( takes deep breath) oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

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YAY I did another chapter

REVIEW if you want MORE and give me some ideas :)


	4. Chapter 4

Cheeze beef and CORN!!!!!???!!!!?!


	5. Chapter 5

The plumbers charged Artemis huge sum of money to dislodge the mammoth sized turd from the toilet. He had to sell his jet to help pay that huge sum. So with no jet to fart around on Artemis then jumped onto to Butlers back and screamed "YIPPY YO KI YAY!!"

Then two rockets popped out from Butlers heels and launch the two into the sky. "Sky rockets in fight, AFTERNOON DELIGHTS!!" sang Artemis as they flew across the country side. Then a smelly shoe fell from the sky and into Artemis's lap. With out thinking he devoured it (yum yum). What he didn't know was the shoe was a magical shoe that caused him to cough up radio active cats. The cats then attacked the Butler rocket causing it to explode.

"GREEN TOE, HAIRY SNAIL…..BLAH!!" Artemis squealed as he fell to his death. Then he landed…on the famer's daughter….in the middle of the sea. _Artemis then used the farmer's daughter as a fish and flew away on her somehow now scaly hide. "WEEEEE" cried Artemis with delight._

_SMASH!!_

He flies smack dab into a solid, extremely massive body. But who's. Trembling, he exclaims "Pumkin-nickle, tiggly fruit...POTATOES!!" The figure turns. A huge shadow falls over the skinny boy it was…. "HOLLY" screamed Artemis in horror.

Holly for some unknown reason was now the size of 50 Butlers. She then eats the flying fish and farts in Artemis's face leaving the boy flopping around, occasionally grunting out a "big 'un", until thankfully, he goes unconscious. Mini villagers come out of Holly's pores to cheer...and wet themselves all over her in a victory salute.

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YAY i did another chapter!!


	6. Chapter 6

Artemis: Butler there's little pineapples flying around in my room AND THEY ATE MY PICKLE!!

Butler:??


End file.
